Intrusions On Your Mind, Are your thoughts constantly preoccupied with a particular person, event, or issue? Are these thoughts driving your mind and body into a state of exhaustion? Are you in a constant state of anxiety, because your mind is totally preoccupied by a particular person and what they have done, have not done, or may do?Are your thoughts constantly preoccupied with a particular person, event, or issue?
Are these thoughts driving your mind and body into a state of exhaustion?
Are you in a constant state of anxiety, because your mind is totally preoccupied by a particular person and what they have done, have not done, or may do?
Is your mind constantly asking when, where, how, why, will he, will she, if, if he, if she, etc. etc?
What happens if your every waking moment is preoccupied with thoughts of this person? (This person could be in spirit or still living).
This could be a person whom you once loved, or who once loved you. You may still love or care about this person. The relationship you had with this person may be over for some time, and they have moved on with their lives and entered a new relationship.
Your thoughts could now be about how this person has hurt you, abused you, angered, shamed, or annoyed you, broken your boundaries, broken your trust, manipulated or controlled you, rejected or abandoned you. You may also have played a part in these behaviours with this person.
Are you allowing thoughts about this person to control your daily life, your every waking and sleeping moments?
Are you allowing them to occupy your thoughts as you go about your day?
Are they occupying your thoughts when you eat, when you work, when you socialise, when you exercise, when you relax, but most of all when you try to sleep? Do you spend endless hours talking to other people about this person?
Even as you sleep, are you dreaming about this person?
Have hours, days, months, and sometimes years passed by, practically unnoticed by you, because you are so preoccupied by this person?
Is your life on hold or passing you by, because of your preoccupation with this person? Are you allowing them and their behaviour to control your entire life?
Are a lot of those thought patterns going around and around in your head? “If only he/she, if only they did, said?” “If only they did not do that?” “Did they ever really love me?” “Who are they with now?” “Will they phone me today?” “If I had done what they wanted, would they have stayed with me?” “Will they come back?” “Should I ring them?” “How do they feel about me now?”
“What has this other person (who they are with now) got, – that I don’t?” In the physical sense, every time your phone rings, does your heart ‘miss a beat’? Every time you see a car that resembles the same make or colour as theirs, – do you gaze intently at the driver, hoping to see if it is him/her?
How many more incidences bring back memories, (not necessarily all good memories), of the time you spent with this person? (The only way to decrease or release anxiety is to take action).
It may be time for you TO STOP! – STOP entertaining this person in your head, and STOP them occupying your mind to the point, where there is no room for thoughts about anyone or anything else. You need to create limits on the time you allow this person to occupy your life, otherwise you will become totally exhausted and may possibly become quite ill.
At this stage you may not only be allowing this person to affect your life, but you may be allowing them to control it as well. In the physical world, imagine if every morning when you got out of bed, you found this person sitting at your breakfast table.
As you sit into the car/bus to get to work he/she is there sitting beside you. As you go through your daily work he/she is standing or sitting beside you all day. As you travel home from work or elsewhere, he/she is there beside you again. As you sit watching your favourite TV programme he/she is sitting there, interrupting, distracting, and chattering away in your ear.
When you get into bed at night, he/she is also there. As you try to sleep he/she keeps chattering away to you. How long would you allow this behaviour to continue? Is there a point when you would tell them to go, and leave your space, leave you in peace, and wait until they are invited to join you? Who is allowing them to bombard your mental space with their presence? – YOU ARE!
At some point earlier on in this scenario, you may have felt this invasion of your space was TOO MUCH! But, you allowed it to continue, – until now, when it has become almost unbearable.
How do you stop your mind from entertaining this person? Do you want to stop? Is it habit or is it an inability to “let go,” that allows you to continue doing what it is you are doing?
Ask yourself, “Is it healthy for you, body, mind, and spirit, to allow this behaviour to continue?
YOU CAN STOP YOUR MIND from entertaining this person. It is your mind, and your body. Only you can decide where, when, and how, you can stop this intrusion on your mind space.
If you want to stop this intrusion, you could try this exercise.
The next time you find yourself thinking about this person, take a deep breath, and as you exhale say, “STOP! – This is as far as you trespass on my space today. I am not entertaining any thoughts of you today.” “I close the door on any thoughts of you.” (Imagine yourself closing a door and this person remaining on the other side of it).
Five minutes later this person may be back in your thoughts again, – “How did he/she get in?” (Did you leave the door unlocked, or slightly ajar)?
The next time when you become aware that you are entertaining this person (in your head), repeat the first exercise, but this time, – LOCK THE DOOR!
You may find that this works for a while, but the thoughts keep banging and banging away in your head, (he/she is banging away at the door).
You may be back in control of your head space again for a while, but their insistence on getting in, may eventually begin to wear you down.
Ask yourself, “ What can you do now?” The struggle to keep this person out can be quite exhausting initially. While continuing to keep control of your own space, you can at this point in time (if you so wish) allocate them some time and space of your own choosing. You can say, “I will allow you half an hour this evening, between seven and seven thirty, (or whatever time you yourself choose, day or night), and once this time is up, – you are out.” “I will then decide, if and when I might entertain you again.” Each time he/she enters your head before the time you have allocated them say, “Sorry, I am not entertaining you until the prearranged time.”
Try not to allow your defences to fail you. You will find that this exercise will eventually free you up for the entire day and night, because you are back in control of your own time and space.
Once the prearranged time has arrived, you need to honour your commitment:
- Set your clock for the half hour or whatever time you have allowed.
- Light a candle.
- Sit down as if you were preparing for a guest to arrive.
- See this person arriving for the visit.
- Try to avoid getting into their space (i.e. imagining what they have been doing since you parted, or how they are feeling about you at this moment in time).
- Try to stay in your own space with your own feelings.
- Allow every thought, feeling and emotion associated with this person to surface and come to the fore.
- Give yourself permission to have these feelings.
- Say out loud or to yourself how you are feeling at the moment.
- Allow yourself to feel whatever feelings you have, in relation to what has happened.
- Allow yourself to cry and get in touch with your emotions and feelings.
- Try not to blame, – blaming insinuates the other person is doing or has done something wrong. Blaming can render you powerless.
You are powerless over what this person has or has not done, but you are never powerless over yourself.
- Try not to get caught up in “ifs.” – “If he/she did.” “If I did.” “What if?”
- Try not to take their issues on board. Try not to make excuses for your behaviour or theirs, what has happened, has happened, there are no “ifs.”
- Try and separate the person from the behaviour. You are not a bad person. He/she may not be a bad person either. –It may be their behaviour that you have difficulty dealing and coming to terms with.
Your time and space has become your own once again.
You now have the time and space to engage in healthy, happy, and productive thoughts and behaviours.
You may find it necessary to repeat these exercises on a regular basis, or until you reach a stage when weeks, and even months will have passed before thoughts of this person will enter your mind.
I am in control of my own body, mind and spirit.
I will not allow anyone to control my body, mind, or spirit.