Some say our children are on loan to us. Some say we as parents are chosen by our children in order that they can learn from us. When a butterfly flies into your garden (when a child comes into your life) is it your butterfly? Does this child belong to you?
If the butterfly decides to stay in your garden and feed in your garden – do you have a claim on this butterfly?
When a child decides to stay with you into adulthood, do you have a claim on this child?
If the butterfly decides to stay and lay eggs in your garden, are these eggs your eggs? If your children remain with you and produce grandchildren, are the grandchildren also yours?
When the young butterfly has learned all he wants to learn in your garden, do you stop him from moving on to newer pastures, new learnings? When your children have learned all you can teach them, do you stop them from moving to new pastures, new learnings?
Once this butterfly learned to fly, he had the choice whether he stayed in your garden or moved to another one. Once your children learn to spread their wings and fly they are no longer your responsibility. They also have the choice, whether to stay with you, or move on.
Do you clip the butterfly’s wings so that he is limited in how far he flies? Do you do this with your child? Do you limit his freedom, limit his growth and limit his knowledge? Do you fear that if you give him unlimited freedom, he may not return?
Do you have this fear around your child/children? Do you clip your children’s wings because you have a fear of losing them?
Are you allowing your children to learn and grow with life’s experiences and learnings?
Do you give them unconditional love, help and support to assist them on their journey?
Do you limit the resources and information that you give to your children, thereby restricting their learnings and freedom?
Do you have a fear they will survive without you?
When the butterfly leaves your garden, do you lock the gate so he cannot return?
When he returns, do you lock the gate so he cannot escape or do you leave the gate unlocked, so he can come home to rest whenever he needs to?
Do you do the same with your children?
When you see a child whether it is your own or someone else’s, know they are learning how to fly.
No one but the child knows when he or she will be ready.
Can you allow the space in your garden for the butterfly to learn, without conditions or limitations?
Can you allow the space in your life for a child to learn, whether it is your own or someone
Most of all can you give them the freedom to fly when they are ready?
Your children are on loan to you, and have decided to visit your garden for a time and share your learnings and life’s experiences.
When these learnings are complete, your children need to be allowed to spread their wings and move to different pastures, learnings and experiences and to enjoy all life has to offer.
Remember you too are also like the butterfly. Like the butterfly, at all times you have free will and freedom of choice as to which garden you choose to live in and how long you decide to live there.
This is always how it was whether you were aware of it or not.
There was a time when you flew into someone’s garden and you stayed there for whatever length of time they allowed you to stay there, or for whatever length of time you found it was necessary for you to experience your learnings.
Did your parents have difficulty in giving you your freedom?
Do you have difficulty letting go and giving freedom?
I am free
I give freedom.
From the best selling book “Be Your Own Therapist” by Patricia Hesnan – Channeled from her guide – Solomon.