You are in the dance hall of life. The music may have stopped a long time ago. You may have been dancing on your own for a long time now. Your partner may have stopped dancing with you. They may have stopped listening to you and your music and left the dance floor a long, long time ago. Maybe you need to retrace your steps and find out what went wrong in your dance of life.
Are you feeling alone?
Are you feeling tired and dejected?
Are you feeling that you did all you could to dance in tune and keep the music playing?
You are in the dance hall of life.
The music may have stopped a long time ago. You may have been dancing on your own for a long time now. Your partner may have stopped dancing with you. They may have stopped listening to you and your music and left the dance floor a long, long time ago. Maybe you need to retrace your steps and find out what went wrong in your dance of life. Some aspects of the dance may appear to be over e.g. relationships, marriage etc. Your partner may have left the dance floor. You may have sat down, feeling tired, dejected and alone. When you start to think about why you stopped dancing, you may start to blame. Blame the music. Blame your partner. Blame the venue. Do you ever stop and think back about how you were feeling as you were dancing? Can you remember the times you felt totally out of step with this person, i.e. opposite belief systems, opposite attitudes to life? Do you sometimes question if you ever really were in step with this person? Was it conditioning that brought you together?
Conditioning says that at a certain age you should have a partner, or be married, have children, or have a home of your own.
- Did you panic and accept the first person who asked you to share a dance with them?
- Was it low self-worth or low self-esteem that allowed you to continue dancing with this person even though you did not feel truly in step with them?
- What brought you together? Was it fear that no one else would want you that made you accept the first opportunity of a relationship? (Fear of being left on the shelf)?
- What held you together? Was it fear of loneliness? Was it conditioning? (What would the neighbours, friends, other family members say if you leave this relationship)?
- Sometimes a couple may stay together because of an unplanned pregnancy, or because of the possible affects that parting would have on the child, or children, or other family members.
Were there times during your dance of life that you felt hurt, pain and exhaustion from trying to keep in step and come up to your own expectations and that of your partner? Was it fear of loneliness, that was controlling you and was a major factor in you continuing to dance with someone you knew you were incompatible with? As you danced were you held with tender loving care or were you kept at a distance? Did you hold your partner with tender loving care or did you keep them at a distance?
Did you concentrate and focus on your partner and the dance you were dancing or were you preoccupied and distracted by other dancers (other people and their lives)?Did you have impossible expectations of your partner and their abilities?Did your partner have a standard of dancing (a standard of living and expectations) that was impossible to live up to? Did you have a standard of dancing (a standard of living and expectations) that your partner could not live up to?
Was your partner distracted and not focused on you or the dance you both chose to share, after the first couple of dances (years)? Did your partner cease to make any effort to stay in step with you? Was dancing in time to the same music difficult for both of you right from the very beginning (no synchronicity from the start)?
Did you both have difficulty hearing the music of life, and dancing to the tune of life (coping with and resolving life’s issues and difficulties)? But most of all, did you experience and enjoy life’s happy and joyous moments, or did they just pass you by, because you were so preoccupied in forcing yourself and your partner to dance to the same tune? Did you stop when you felt like stopping, or, did you wait for the music to stop? Did you wait for your partner to leave, or did you only realise the dance was over after you found yourself alone on the dance floor?
We sometimes dance to music we do not like. We may exhaust ourselves trying to change ourselves to suit the music and our partners. By the time the music stops, we may be too tired and worn out to dance to the music we do like. We may be exhausted and in too much pain to dance to any music. We may have lost interest in dancing with any other person, even someone who may be a more suitable dancing partner for us.
Your original partner may have lost the desire to keep in step with you a long time ago. The music may have stopped or slowed down, but you may have been so caught up in your conditioning, you did not even notice. Then one day you realised you were standing alone on the dance floor. Your dancing partner and everyone else who was dancing around you had gone.
Was it only then you got the feeling that you were on your own?
Do you now ask why someone did not tell you the music had stopped, but then, why should they? You were the one who wanted to keep dancing (living in denial). What do you do next? Start blaming of course. Blame everyone and everything. Can you remember when the music slowed down or changed tempo (when there were changes in your relationship or marriage)? Your partner may not have been tuned in to you for quite some time. Can you even remember when it was, that they first left you standing (abandoned you) in the middle of the dance of life?
Maybe this dance was over for you a long time ago. Blaming insinuates that your partner should have changed to suit your tune or that they did something wrong. Is it possible that you were never really in step with this partner? Maybe you were both dancing to different tunes from the start. Or maybe you were compromising yourself, going against the natural flow of life, your natural instincts and your gut feelings. Did you continue to keep on dancing because of your conditioning? Conditioning says, “Don’t rock the boat, don’t change.” “What will the neighbours think?” “Don’t tell anyone your problems, that would be admitting failure.”
In blaming you are handing over your power to the other person to hurt, anger or annoy you. You may now need to learn to take responsibility for the part you played with your partner, in the dance of life. The dance with one particular partner may be over. It is what you have learned from this dance and this partner that is important.
If the dance is over with your present partner, what can you do now?
- First you need to discover the music you yourself would like to dance to.
- You need to learn what type of dancer you are.
- What type of partner you would like.
- What type of venue you would like.
- You can start a new dance to your own tune.
- You can also dance to a new tune with a more compatible partner.
- You can dance to a tune you both like.
- You can find a venue that is suitable to you both.
I will dance to a tune that is suitable for me.
I will find a compatible dancing partner.
We will spend time choosing the music that enchants us.
We will stay in step with each other and dance to a wonderful tune in peace and harmony.