My life has been a bit of a roller-coaster going everywhere and then nowhere. As a young child I was believed to be a very talented musician. My parents encouraged me and supported me in every way they could. I was optimistic about life and the idea of a career in the music industry both challenged and excited me. My dream came true when I was picked for a major part as a musician in a well-known orchestra. I loved and enjoyed this time of my life.
It all came crashing down around me when on the way home from rehearsals I was physically attacked and mugged. My handbag was snatched. I instinctively tried to hold onto my bag. The attacker was bigger and stronger than me so in the struggle I fell to the ground. I was badly bruised but not seriously physically injured but I was emotionally traumatised. A passerby came to my assistance but the attacker was well gone at this stage. I reported the incident but no one was ever caught or apprehended for the attack.
My physical injuries and bruises healed over time but emotionally I couldn’t seem to be able to move on with my life. I became fearful of travelling on my own. Even if I travelled by bus I was constantly looking over my shoulder. Even though my place of rehearsals was only ten minutes walk from my home, I wouldn’t walk alone, not even in daylight. As time passed my fears intensified, they did not lessen. People would say to me that an incident like this can never happen again. Logically I would agree with them but then my mind would start to play tricks on me.
I found that I was looking at complete strangers and thinking is this the person that attacked me? Are they going to follow me? Do they know where I live? Will they come to a concert that I’m playing at and follow me home again?
I felt I was losing my mind. I would feel panicky if someone approached me to ask directions or even ask a question. I began to miss my music rehearsals. I made excuses saying I had a headache, or I was coming down with a ‘flu. Nobody seemed to understand including myself what was going on for me. My doctor prescribed anti-depressant pills which eased my mind a bit but they didn’t stop my fears. My parents didn’t know what to do. They eventually stopped trying to persuade me to continue with my music. I went through a phase of not wanting to leave my room or my home even if someone else accompanied me. I though with time my fears would lessen and maybe even vanish. My friends when they would persuade me to go out on the odd occasion started to lose their patience with me as they said I was too needy.
I would sit in my room sometimes and think how life could have been so different. I blamed myself for walking home alone on that traumatic night and putting myself at risk. I eventually packed in my music career and got a part time job in a small cafe, but my fears never left me. I felt anger, sadness, loss, fear and frustration. One day when the cafe was quiet a lady came in for a coffee. She wanted to sit with her back to the wall. She commented on how it is so unsafe to leave your bag in exposed places. She told me her handbag was stolen the previous week. I opened up and found myself telling her my story.
She listened to my story and told me I needed to get help to try and sort out the shock and fears that I was experiencing. As she was leaving she handed me a card with the name and number of a person who did Bio-Energy Therapy. I had never heard of anything like Bio-Energy before. I thanked her and stuck the card in my pocket. At that stage I had no notion of contacting this therapist. About a week later a member of the orchestra called into this cafe for a coffee, recognised me and told me they missed me at the rehearsals and would love to have me back playing with them again.
I could feel the overwhelming sense of fear washing over me. Something else registered in my brain. I took a deep breath and said to myself “I am allowing the attacker to control my life, my career and my freedom, maybe this Bio-Energy therapy could help me.” I made the call to the number on the card. The person I spoke to explained that the aim of working on the chakras using Bio-Energy therapy was to try and decrease the intensity of the emotions that may be controlling a person, which in my case were the emotions of fear and shock.
I booked myself in for 5 sessions of Bio-Energy therapy. At first I was a bit apprehensive in case it brought all my memories back to the surface again. Interestingly during the Bio-Energy therapy sessions it did allow the memories of what had happened that night to surface, but the level of fear associated with the attack greatly decreased with each session I attended. As the Bio-Energy sessions continued I noticed I could talk freely about what had happened. These changes were very subtle but I did notice my reaction in certain situations had changed. I was no longer looking over my shoulder everywhere I went. If someone approached me, I didn’t try to avoid them. If I felt any element of fear I would remember the Bio-Energy therapist’s words; “Do your diaphramatic breathing, and stay in the moment”.
When my 5 sessions of Bio-Energy were complete, I booked in for a session once a month thereafter just for my own reassurance. About 6 months after I had finished my Bio-Energy sessions I started back at my music rehearsals. Now I don’t feel my fears have totally evaporated, but what I do know is that the intensity of my fears have greatly diminished. My fears are no longer controlling me, my life or my career.
If I feel I have gone slightly off the track; I play the song “Fear won’t control me.”
I am determined that fear won’t control me in the future. It may affect me but it won’t control me.